G*d Damned "friends" are ignoring me...thank damn G*d for GEM!

*AND I am still blogger-retarded, so I will try real HARD (hee, hee!) to get this to format all pretty like I want it to be, but no fucking guarantees! It is 1:30am and Max, my stupid boxer, keeps on farting....FUCK!*

So, with only eight or nine or ten, FUCK I can't do math...200 hours, god that seems SOOO long (that's what she said!)...back to days, it is less depressing...off to count on both hands...FUCK!

Starting over...Oh, and this WILL be very ramble-y! You (GEM, my lone reader, and the only one that matters in my life anyways, cuz we are gay like that*readhercommentatend*!) have been warned!

So, with just over eight days to go till I get to see New Moon with my biotches, to say I am excited is a bit of an understatement (meiosis, just for GEM so you know I take notes in my lit class - and the link references flesh wounds & Monty Python and the Holy Grail, BONUS!!) I don't nearly pee myself when I think of what I will be doing on November 20th @ 7:30pm. No, I wouldn't go that far (hyperbole...GEM!)

Anyways...So, I emailed my girls last week and only GEM got back to me, probably because she is the only one that loves me *youclickedthelinkabove,right*!

Here is the email from last week:

To: Green-Eyed Momster (GEM), Stresser-Mom (SM), and Still-a-Newlywed (SaN)
From: lrb
Subject: Girls, in 17 days from when I started typing this email...

...we will have seen IT!!! Yes, IT, and I CAN"T WAIT!!!!!

As I mentioned to y'all in an email last week, I have started to NOT lurk around some of my "news" sites so that I can become re-virginified! Every once in a while, I
see a still, but no more movie trailers - fan-made, Summit-released, official, not official, NONE OF IT!!!!

I just side-tracked my own email! Moving on...

So, I thought we needed to start thinking about a plan of attack!
Here are some who, what, when, why, and how's for us to discuss!

Who - well that one is easy...US
What - YOU KNOW!! IT!!!
When's and where's and some more what's...
-I think we should all meet at my house and take only one car. The theatre is about 5 miles or 10 minutes away. We can fight about who drives later :) Can we all agree to
this one?
-We need to decide what time we want to get to the theatre. I am thinking at least two hours ahead of time, meaning 5:30. I think this should be fine. Agreed?
-Once we decide when we want to get to the theatre, we can decide when you want to get to my house! The earlier you get here, the more Mojito's you can drink! Mr. lrb *super excited, I FINALLY got to type THAT!* is off this day, so I won't have to worry about Master G AT ALL!!!
-Then ask me the most basic question. What do we eat? (Yeah, I am a dork!) Anyway...There is a Rubio's and an Albertson's in this strip mall. Or we can buy food on the way and eat in line, I don't care. What I do care about is that there is the ever important COLD STONE in this mall. And, there should also be plenty of places to go pee!
-Is there anything (re:alcohol) that we need to bring to the theatre besides us, alcohol, our tickets, and some liquor!
-CLOTHES! I have our shirts. I will wash them and you girls can put them on
here! I am SOOO excited and a super big dork!

Why - do I REALLY need to answer this one?
How - I think this is covered above somewhere...

Question recap-
What time do we want to get to the theatre?
When should I warn Mr. lrb that a bunch of crazy women are storming the house?
Should we drink...and what should we drink?
Food, we will need some food! And ice cream!!
Anything else?

Alright, I think that is a good start for us. I am sure I forgot something, but this is to just start getting us thinking!

I will email y'all later with totals on the tickets and shirts, but I am not super worried about it. I know how to find most of you! :)

Be Safe!!
Super-dorky, even-more-excited, way-too-old but don't-care lrb!!!

PS - HOW PROUD OF ME ARE YOU? An entire email with not a single fuck, shit, damnit all to hell, or son of a bitch! God, I AM PROUD OF ME!!! :)

Cool, huh! I asked questions, and DIDN'T swear! And what did I get for all my hard work, blood, sweat, tears, and sleepless nights? NOTHING!

Well, that's not true. GEM and I text and email ALL the time, and WE are cool-like-that, but from SM and SaN...nothing. I have a dorky Twilight reference, but really...I am not that funny, dorky, or lame...okay I am dorky and lame...but, no...I ain't going there, not tonight! :)

So, today, with (checking my math above) just over eight days to go, what did I send to my biotches!

This!

To: Green-Eyed Momster (GEM), Stresser-Mom (SM), and Still-a-Newlywed (SaN)
From: lrb
Subject: NEXT WEEK!!! EEEEKKKK!! Yes...I drop a few 'f' bombs...surprise!!

Alright ladies, now that my screaming is done...EMAIL ME BACK about my questions/suggestions far below (if you can look past the yummers!). I have only heard from GEM, so I know that half of us are making it next Friday!!! Come on...you don't even have to be as excited as I am about it, just let me know you still care! :)

Below is my MasterCard commercial for y'all!

I had to do this in fucking PAINT, for fuck's sake...so SaN *she is a graphic designer*, please be nice! Paint, which didn't have a pretty Twilight font, and is HARD as FUCK to use [that's what she said!!]! Did you all know that in Paint you can't select text and edit it after you have clicked off it to do something else...you have to edit it as you place it. So, you can't select existing text and, say, change the font, size, or add a FUCKING exclamation point! You have to un-do everything you have done, until you un-do the thing you want to edit! FUCK, do I love y'all or what?

And, yes, my exclamation points just MIGHT be pointing at someone's tingly bits! I didn't even plan that! Really, I didn't!

Can't wait till next week!! :) J"lrb"...which if you squint your eyes just right, looks like JPattz!! Take THAT SM (Pa"SM" doesn't match up right, you know!)

SIDE NOTE: To fully understand WTF on that siggy, you have to know that if you change two letters in my real last name, one of which is changing an 's' to a 'z', you get Pattz. Now, SM, whose real last name does at least start with a Pa, doesn't "flow" or meld into HHH (His Holy Hotness, in case GEM hasn't learned that bit of info!) like MY name does. BTW - since we are both married, I find this comparison even more funny! I had to explain, because using our fake names doesn't do my funny justice!

Oh...and here is the picture I SLAVED over in Paint! Clicky-clicky to read!

And, yeah, THIS finally got at least SaN to email me back. You would think the idea of liquor, a bunch of married old women, and frickin' Twilight would get a quicker response out of these ladies! Huh!?!

SIDE NOTE - Why do dog fart's stink so fucking much! Damn it all to fucking hell! Why do I have dogs again? Oh, and GEM, guess who ate a mango yesterday? A mango that was in a big ceramic bowl on the hutch (luckily the bowl didn't fall down and break when Max got to the mango); a mango that Master G was waiting to fully ripen so he could eat it? Max ate the pit and all...well, most of the pit and all; I found part of the pit and pieces of skin...all over my fucking living room floor! Do you know anyone who wants a stupid, but very handsome, dog?