I am FINALLY reading the Wide Awake epilogues tonight! I have an entire FFFF (Fucking FanFiction Fail) post started – Hell, I started one two weeks ago and never finished it – but it isn’t going to get done before I read tonight so…GEM, you may have to hold me! Good thing we are hanging out tomorrow. I will be able to tell you about it. And you can hold me!
And please apologize to The Uptight Yankee if I text you 500 times tonight for the support! I am so worried that AG is going to turn me into a puddle of angsty, sappy, don’tknowificanhandleit, ectoplasmic goo! It could be the bad goo flowing in the sewers under NYC, waiting to turn every mother fucker into a mean, nasty, evil…uhmmm…NY’er, or it could be the good goo…coating the Statue of Liberty, “Lifting me Higher!”, and kicking some major Carpathian ass!
And this is before I accept that, once I have read the epi’s, it will really be over! FUCK! I have faith in AG...that I WILL be a fucking mess tonight!
Yeah, GEM better give good text!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
On a Girl's Date with GEM!
***Blogger still sucks and messes with my formatiing and I am too fucking stupid and impatient to figure it out! Everytime I fix something and preview it, it changes! Fuckity, fuck, FUCK!!!! So, I appologize for any formatting fuck-ups or crowding cuz my fucking hard returns aren't registering, or any other shitty parts of this post that I can blame on Blogger! The words, are all me...sadly!***
So, GEM and I had a girls date last week. She had a sitter, Mr. lrb is working nights (sucks ASS!), and Little lrb was staying the night at a friends house. It was ON like Donkey Kong!
Originally GEM and I were just trying to get together for an hour or so to watch Tay-Tay on SNL; yeah, we still haven’t watched that shit! Every time she had come over since I recorded it *forher*, there have been too many distractions; her toddler, my nine-year old, Mr. lrb! Really we just wanted to cuddle all alone…well, together…and hold hands while Tay-Tay worked his SNL magic. I even had a drool cloth picked out for GEM! We also wanted to do this alone so that we didn‘t have to face the ridicule that would have come if any of the above mentioned saw what we were watching, or dared to interrupt us at any crucial moment! Blood may have been spilled, so it was just best to wait until we could be alone. We WILL watch it before Tay-Tay is legal! Because it is so much more fun to pick on GEM about it that way!
Anyways, as you may have deduced from my above ramblings, we didn’t watch SNL. We sat around, drank coffee, FINALLY got rid of the boys, and then proceeded to talk about life, school, and, uhmmmm, toys? Yeah, GEM and I want our own mini-Edward and mini-Jacob dolls to take with us to Eclipse! GEM really wants the creepy Barbie versions, but really, they are TOO creepy for me. GEM says that is the point…but that is a whole other blog post! Back to our date!
We decided to head off to the mall, in the fucking rain – I live in sunny San Diego not Forks for fuck’s sake – because I needed a new jacket, she needed pj’s, we needed girl shopping time…you catch my drift. I did get my jacket – which I love btw, thankyouverymuchGEM! – but we didn’t get much further on our list because I wanted, no, I NEEDED to see *touch/lick* FSE (and maybe throw something at FSJ), so we headed to Nordies. GEM had been so very kind to send me pictures of FSE from a previous trip to a different Nordies. And, she sent me a pic of herself WITH FSJ! She is such a slut, asking a complete stranger to take her picture with a cardboard cutout of a twelve-year old! Anyways, as I said, I needed to *see* him and GEM loves Nordies, so we were off.
Well, we didn’t find FSE, much to my dismay, and I was a bit horrified and shy and way-too-far-out-of-the-closet for my liking when we went to examine the “New Moon” merchandise. I put "New Moon" in quotes, cuz come on…does this really make you think of New Moon?
Then, we saw this shirt!
Now, GEM and I love the series A LOT, and we are Twitards and all, and GEM is Team Jacob (only because of Taylor, I think), but really! Who in their right fucking mind would wear this shirt! It is just sad. GEM and I LOVE, love, LOVE the whole gut-wrenching, tormented, want to slash my wrists, three-month page flip in New Moon. But, really! I can’t say it enough. Even Team Jacob fans can’t “want” this shirt!
So, we searched and searched and found a bunch of shit to try on. I was having problems, though. First off, we were in the “outs” zone. Even without a mini-Edward, I could *readtheminds* of all the teeny boppers in the store smirking at us over-thirty women going through the New Moon clothes in the juniors section of Nordies. They were laughing at us, and I nearly DIED when someone came over to ask us if we needed any help. That might not be enough to turn the faint of heart away, but, really, I haven’t fit in juniors clothes since, well, frickin’ forever! The junior section causes me major mind-fuckery. And that was before I went and had a child and got fat and grew ENORMOUS boobs! So, I wasn’t as comfortable as I would have liked. Plus, I was carting around a fucking 20-pound, but super cute, jacket in a JC Penny’s bag. And I am fat and in the juniors section with little miss twiggy and can fit in fucking juniors aka GEM! (I still <3 style="font-family:georgia;">Almost immediately GEM hollers over and asks, “Is there writing on your mirror?” Huh? I am confused. So, I go over and see that GEM has a Twilight stencil on her mirror.
I am little bummed that I didn’t get one, but whatever! We got a picture of it! This saying was okay, still a little depressing, but not like “It will be as if I never existed”…FUCK! And, since I only had three things to try on, none of which “really” fit, I ended up in GEM’s changing room, critiquing all her super cute juniors clothes. We needed a picture of our date though and where better than in a changing room, with our “Team” shirts on! Luckily for me, or not depending on how the bank account looks, I put my Team Edward shirt back on, but with my cammy under it this time, since the shirt was super thin. With the cammy you don’t get to see the ass crack on my chest created by my boobs!
The picture turned out to be a bit difficult to take. First of all, it was a self-portrait, which takes a few shots to set up, so that you get what you want in the shot. Then there was the problem that you couldn’t tell what the hell we were wearing. Mainly because my boobs were casting a shadow over the “Edward” on my shirt! Fucking stupid boobs! So, I had to lean back all funny like, and GEM had to stand on her tiptoes, the planets had to align properly, and finally we get this crappy, but oh so funny and rewarding, picture of our chests. You can’t really tell what we are wearing from the picture, but WE KNOW! And really, that is all that matters!
Needless to say, after all that, GEM and I are now the proud owners of Nordy New Moon shirts; GEM actually got two!
And to finish off our date, GEM and I went to Carl Straus for dinner (THANKS, btw!!). Without husbands or children. Yes, we talked about the New Moon movie a bit. GEM had cheated on me with book club and gone to see it again (almost caused a breakup, because there is no “movie” in “book” club! AND she got to see the fucking Remember Me fucking preview ON THE BIG fucking SCREEN, which we did not get to see when we all went to NM, WTFuck – this is really why I found out she went to the damn movie. The Robbie nomness outed her, because she immediately pulled out her phone and texted my ass! March 12th, Baby = GEM and I holding hands at the movies!), but I was FINALLY going to see NM again that weekend! So, we talked about New Moon, we talked about my stupid dog and his health issues, we talked about kids and school and kids in school, we talked more about our want of “dolls”, I talked shit about how beer tastes like what I would assume horse piss would taste.
A good time was had by all!
Ending with my GEM is a tool pic!
God, “tool” makes me think of Robert saying, “I’m just a tool, a big hard tool!” Gahhh!
Note – I just added “Tay-Tay” to my Word dictionary so that when I write about GEM and him, the stupid red squiggle line will GO THE FUCK AWAY! How funny is that!
So, GEM and I had a girls date last week. She had a sitter, Mr. lrb is working nights (sucks ASS!), and Little lrb was staying the night at a friends house. It was ON like Donkey Kong!
Originally GEM and I were just trying to get together for an hour or so to watch Tay-Tay on SNL; yeah, we still haven’t watched that shit! Every time she had come over since I recorded it *forher*, there have been too many distractions; her toddler, my nine-year old, Mr. lrb! Really we just wanted to cuddle all alone…well, together…and hold hands while Tay-Tay worked his SNL magic. I even had a drool cloth picked out for GEM! We also wanted to do this alone so that we didn‘t have to face the ridicule that would have come if any of the above mentioned saw what we were watching, or dared to interrupt us at any crucial moment! Blood may have been spilled, so it was just best to wait until we could be alone. We WILL watch it before Tay-Tay is legal! Because it is so much more fun to pick on GEM about it that way!
Anyways, as you may have deduced from my above ramblings, we didn’t watch SNL. We sat around, drank coffee, FINALLY got rid of the boys, and then proceeded to talk about life, school, and, uhmmmm, toys? Yeah, GEM and I want our own mini-Edward and mini-Jacob dolls to take with us to Eclipse! GEM really wants the creepy Barbie versions, but really, they are TOO creepy for me. GEM says that is the point…but that is a whole other blog post! Back to our date!
We decided to head off to the mall, in the fucking rain – I live in sunny San Diego not Forks for fuck’s sake – because I needed a new jacket, she needed pj’s, we needed girl shopping time…you catch my drift. I did get my jacket – which I love btw, thankyouverymuchGEM! – but we didn’t get much further on our list because I wanted, no, I NEEDED to see *touch/lick* FSE (and maybe throw something at FSJ), so we headed to Nordies. GEM had been so very kind to send me pictures of FSE from a previous trip to a different Nordies. And, she sent me a pic of herself WITH FSJ! She is such a slut, asking a complete stranger to take her picture with a cardboard cutout of a twelve-year old! Anyways, as I said, I needed to *see* him and GEM loves Nordies, so we were off.
Well, we didn’t find FSE, much to my dismay, and I was a bit horrified and shy and way-too-far-out-of-the-closet for my liking when we went to examine the “New Moon” merchandise. I put "New Moon" in quotes, cuz come on…does this really make you think of New Moon?
Then, we saw this shirt!
Now, GEM and I love the series A LOT, and we are Twitards and all, and GEM is Team Jacob (only because of Taylor, I think), but really! Who in their right fucking mind would wear this shirt! It is just sad. GEM and I LOVE, love, LOVE the whole gut-wrenching, tormented, want to slash my wrists, three-month page flip in New Moon. But, really! I can’t say it enough. Even Team Jacob fans can’t “want” this shirt!
So, we searched and searched and found a bunch of shit to try on. I was having problems, though. First off, we were in the “outs” zone. Even without a mini-Edward, I could *readtheminds* of all the teeny boppers in the store smirking at us over-thirty women going through the New Moon clothes in the juniors section of Nordies. They were laughing at us, and I nearly DIED when someone came over to ask us if we needed any help. That might not be enough to turn the faint of heart away, but, really, I haven’t fit in juniors clothes since, well, frickin’ forever! The junior section causes me major mind-fuckery. And that was before I went and had a child and got fat and grew ENORMOUS boobs! So, I wasn’t as comfortable as I would have liked. Plus, I was carting around a fucking 20-pound, but super cute, jacket in a JC Penny’s bag. And I am fat and in the juniors section with little miss twiggy and can fit in fucking juniors aka GEM! (I still <3 style="font-family:georgia;">Almost immediately GEM hollers over and asks, “Is there writing on your mirror?” Huh? I am confused. So, I go over and see that GEM has a Twilight stencil on her mirror.
I am little bummed that I didn’t get one, but whatever! We got a picture of it! This saying was okay, still a little depressing, but not like “It will be as if I never existed”…FUCK! And, since I only had three things to try on, none of which “really” fit, I ended up in GEM’s changing room, critiquing all her super cute juniors clothes. We needed a picture of our date though and where better than in a changing room, with our “Team” shirts on! Luckily for me, or not depending on how the bank account looks, I put my Team Edward shirt back on, but with my cammy under it this time, since the shirt was super thin. With the cammy you don’t get to see the ass crack on my chest created by my boobs!
The picture turned out to be a bit difficult to take. First of all, it was a self-portrait, which takes a few shots to set up, so that you get what you want in the shot. Then there was the problem that you couldn’t tell what the hell we were wearing. Mainly because my boobs were casting a shadow over the “Edward” on my shirt! Fucking stupid boobs! So, I had to lean back all funny like, and GEM had to stand on her tiptoes, the planets had to align properly, and finally we get this crappy, but oh so funny and rewarding, picture of our chests. You can’t really tell what we are wearing from the picture, but WE KNOW! And really, that is all that matters!
Needless to say, after all that, GEM and I are now the proud owners of Nordy New Moon shirts; GEM actually got two!
And to finish off our date, GEM and I went to Carl Straus for dinner (THANKS, btw!!). Without husbands or children. Yes, we talked about the New Moon movie a bit. GEM had cheated on me with book club and gone to see it again (almost caused a breakup, because there is no “movie” in “book” club! AND she got to see the fucking Remember Me fucking preview ON THE BIG fucking SCREEN, which we did not get to see when we all went to NM, WTFuck – this is really why I found out she went to the damn movie. The Robbie nomness outed her, because she immediately pulled out her phone and texted my ass! March 12th, Baby = GEM and I holding hands at the movies!), but I was FINALLY going to see NM again that weekend! So, we talked about New Moon, we talked about my stupid dog and his health issues, we talked about kids and school and kids in school, we talked more about our want of “dolls”, I talked shit about how beer tastes like what I would assume horse piss would taste.
A good time was had by all!
Ending with my GEM is a tool pic!
God, “tool” makes me think of Robert saying, “I’m just a tool, a big hard tool!” Gahhh!
Note – I just added “Tay-Tay” to my Word dictionary so that when I write about GEM and him, the stupid red squiggle line will GO THE FUCK AWAY! How funny is that!
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